Letting Go

Today was the first day we took Bella to the nursery during Mass. I've been praying about it for over a week now! I knew it would be difficult for her and that she could cry the entire time but I also knew that Robbie was right. It was becoming more and more difficult to pray and be a good example to Grace and Anthony when we were trying so hard with Bella, who likes so much to do her own thing. "Her own thing" is very distracting to us and others in Mass!



I sat there today, during the opening prayer, empty handed with no one to wrestle and stop from pulling on my ears or nose or hair or clothes. It was a little sad and very peaceful. I knew my husband could pray with ease, I could listen and pray and the kids could sit quietly without seeing those sitting behind us playing with Bella and Bella wasn't trying to play with them (Grace and Anthony) either.



It was nice, though my heart was beating so fast from the desire to run over to the nursery to pick up my sweet daughter who was surely crying her little heart out (and she really was..the whole time.).



Father gave a very good homily about love. Loving isn't about making yourself feel happy. It made me think about loving my husband and children and being loved by them too, despite my failings (what a gift)! Also, what it means to love God, follow His commandments and to live His Truth, and be loved by God, despite my failings (again, what a gift!!)!



Love is sacrifice, sacrifice is love. Sometimes it's so easy and feel-good and other times it's difficult, maybe even painful but no matter what the end result is intense love and incredible joy and the most indescribable feeling. (prime example: the death and resurrection of our Lord, Eternal life with Him in Heaven.)



As I sat there listening to father, my thoughts running away with me and my left hand in my husbands, Anthony climbs up into my lap. A few minutes later, Grace snuggles up to me and under my right arm. I thought about how empty my hands felt at the beginning of Mass and how full they were now. Even with the pressure Anthony was putting on my Belly and the baby was putting on my bladder I was so thankful to sit there, hands full and obviously incredibly blessed. At that moment, I decided that anytime someone tells me how full my hands are, where ever we may be at the time, I will respond with a simple, "Yes, I couldn't be more thankful."



This life, these lives, God has given me, is love. It doesn't mean our days our perfect, that we are perfect or always happy or always patient. It means as individuals, as husband and wife and hopefully in teaching our children, that our goal is to love like He loves. Or as Mother Theresa says, "Love until it hurts, then there will be no more hurt but only love."



I often hear, "how do you do it? Or "I don't know how you do it." When people see my growing baby belly and our three small children. My first thoughts are, "I have no idea!" but the more I have thought about it, I think it comes down to love, selflessness and giving up control (and a lot more). This isn't easy but it's the most rewarding thing especially as it draws our hearts closer together and most importantly closer to our God, who gave His Son, who gave His Self.



All that has been given to us (whether we ask of it or not) is a gift from God and is something to draw us closer to Him and away from ourselves. It is there we find love and show love, because God is Love.