Love

The beginning of Lent has brought on many thoughts and emotions for me. Robbie and I sometimes talk about what we were doing "this time last year."
Around Christmas it was "we had no idea what was coming." In January it was "___ number of days till we found out about deployment."
January 30th. I remember that day perfectly. I had just gotten home from getting groceries and was bringing them in from the garage. I was going back out to close up the car when Robbie came walking up to the door. My reaction was, "YEAH! DADDY'S HOME EARLY!!!" It was only 4 o'clock. The kids giggled with excitement. As he walked up to me, my heart sunk. He put his arms around me and held me tight. I could see the sun rays shining into the garage, it was an absolutely perfect day. I could here the music in the background. The station was playing, I wanna go home. Swallowing the big rock that was in my throat, I asked what was wrong. He didn't say anything at first, then replied, "I'm being deployed." He held on tighter as if to hold me up. I started sobbing.

Little did we know, he'd be gone by Feb 23rd for training and March 6th he'd be out of the states. We found out later that he'd have 4 days he'd be hanging around in Maryland before he left the states. And that's where we are now. This time last year we were together for 4 days at our cozy little bed and breakfast.


Just He and I in Maryland. Enjoying our days before deployment.
The first Sunday of Lent we went to Mass at the Basilica. It was a beautiful Mass.

I've done a lot of thinking about last Lent, It seemed like such perfect timing. It seemed right to be suffering along side Jesus. It seemed to be the best time to start our temporary separation.

What is it we want to achieve during Lent? To be reminded of our own nothingness? To be reminded of how we need Christ, God's graces to save us from our sins and failings? To repent, to walk along that road to Calvary, to suffer along with Christ?

I had a friend post something on face book this morning:

"Everything we do in Lent is in vain if we do it with out love."

That got me thinking. Last year it was so easy to stick to all my sacrifices, extra prayers, patience... to love, to bind my self, my soul to Christ and His Cross.

why? Because I WAS suffering. I was concerned for my husband, his safety. What would it be like to not see each other for 6 months? Nothing was in my hands. I had no control what-so-ever. The only thing I could do to be "wife" and to love my husband then was to pray, sacrifice, love, pray, sacrifice, pray, love and trust. TRUST!!! Trust God.

Please God, let your love surround him.... Please God, let your grace surround him. Please God, send your strength and wisdom. Keep him safe from physical and spiritual harm. Jesus, I trust in you.

Dear Jesus, I am nothing. I can not do this with out you. You are my Rock and my strength. THY WILL BE DONE.

Yes, Lent, last year was the "best" Lent I have ever had in my entire life. I can't even tell you how Christ carried me on the road to Calvary. How close my heart felt to Him and to my husband, thousands of miles away.

I don't know really what my point to all this is. I just know how I feel today. How THANKFUL I am to be with my husband and children this first Sunday of Lent. How thankful I am to get to love my husband in all the ways mentioned above and MORE! because we are together! And how I do not want to forget how I felt last year. I may not be suffering this year but I have deep gratitude to our Lord. My heart bursts with gratitude! That's when I start to cry a little. I can't contain my happiness and joy... to be with the ones I love. To lay my head on my husbands chest at night and hear his heartbeat. One of the little things about life and love, I never want to take for granted.

This lent, I can not wait to sacrifice, to abstain, fast, suffer along with our Lord. For He has given us this life. He has given me my wonderful husband and our children. Everyday is a gift. That, I won't forget. With these days, or shall I say "gifts," I want to love. I want to love with all my heart and remember that this is all only by the grace of God. To Him, I owe everything.

Thy Will be done....

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Now, I'd be getting ahead of myself to speak of Easter and Bella's birthday--- the next events in line of "where we were last year" Those times will be a little extra-special for it's time we didn't have last year. I think those I will save for later reflection... I'm sure when the time arrives I will have different thoughts than I do now. So... right now, I'm going to enjoy this day, these weeks together with my family.

Praise to you Lord Jesus Christ, king of endless glory!!